Where Have I Been?

This is my first blog post in over two months.  So, where have I been?  What about Camp NaNoWriMo?

These answers and more – coming up!

Luckily, my blog doesn’t have many readers yet, so I doubt that my absence has even been noticed.  However, I do like to keep things tidy, so I feel that an explanation is warranted regarding Camp NaNoWriMo, as well as my elongated absence from the site.

Camp NaNoWriMo

What should I say about Camp NaNoWriMo?  I wasn’t ready?  I was preoccupied?  All of the above?  Regardless of the reason, when Camp started, I was hyped and had fingers to the keyboard.  I started with a head full of ideas that resembled a story.

For the first few days, I was a devoted writer.  Every free moment I had was spent at the keyboard.  I pushed and I pushed.  I felt exhilarated, like I was in a race!  But then….

I STOPPED!

There was a jumble of priorities.  For the next few days, I thought you can catch up.  No worries.  But then I looked closer at the numbers (word count) and I really gave up.

But all is not lost.  Fortunately for me, they do not keelhaul you for not completing your word count.  Actually, I did not feel any type of negativism from failing – except my own guilt.  It took me a while to get over that, but I did.

There will be a next time!

Absence

My prolonged absence from my site is not so easily explainable.  If you’ve read all of my blogs, you are probably aware that I’ve been living with severe anxiety and depression for over a year.  At the beginning of May, I relapsed and found myself in a very, very dark place.  Despite the myriad of medications they tried, I was unable to work and eventually had to resign from my job.  Thus, I find myself in completely unchartered waters – unchartered on the map of my life.

I have always lived with purpose.  Without purpose, where do we put our energy and creativity?  This is a question that has been flogging my mind for months.  There is a plethora of doors in front of me, but which door shall I open?  Should I devote all of me to a new purpose, or should I test the waters before committing?  For so many questions, I fully admit that I have too few answers.

HOWEVER, I believe that finishing this first blog post is a huge step!  I’ve been dabbling with this post for several weeks, unsure of just how much I should say or even want to say.  I’ve read over and over and over again that to be a successful writer, you really need to get personal with your writing. You need to put yourself out there and take the risk.  Damn the weather and full speed ahead!  Right?  Isn’t that the credo?  But isn’t that also what they did on the Titanic?

As I finish up this first blog post in too many months, I am still undecided about a good many things.  But there is one thing that I have decided on: I need to continue moving forward.  (The tricky part is determining which direction forward is!)  I always tell my friends that you will never see where you’re going if you keep looking in the rear view mirror.  I believe and practice that.  But it’s equally important that we keep moving!  So look out, here I come!