The Fault in Me

To know thy faults is to know thyself.

When we look in the mirror, we’re supposed to see a reflection of ourselves.  But do we really see it?  Or do we only see what we want to see?  When I look in the mirror, I see the fault in me.

Participating in the BloggORS Challenge has given me the opportunity to look within, to look in the mirror and try see what is really there.  Gazing at that reflection, trying to clearly perceive who I am, I gave thought to writing about my many faults.  After a little more thought – not too much – I decided that doing so would likely warrant an entire book.  Thus, I decided to narrow my approach to just one fault – to one fault in me.

One trait that really gets to me actually has two faces.  I think of it as my trait of incompleteness.  However, this tidbit of annoyance shows itself in two different ways.

If there is something that needs to be done, regardless of which facet of my life it pertains to, if I am unsure whether I’ll be able to complete it, I won’t even start it.  Conversely (sort of), if I have already started something with extreme enthusiasm, I frequently leave it incomplete.  This is predominant throughout my writing.  I have started more short stories than I can count. But the number that were actually completed are on a very short list, indeed.

On the other side of that coin, I can provide the example of the lawnmower.  My John Deere riding mower was badly in need of a tuneup, but I didn’t think that I’d be able to do it myself.  I also didn’t have the means of getting the lawnmower to a repair shop, and I refused to pay the astronomical prices that people charged for pick up and delivery service.  Thus, my lawnmower sat on my back patio – unused – for about three years!  Rather than attempting something that I didn’t think I could finish, I paid someone $50 to cut my lawn whenever it needed it.  (Thankfully, since my lawn is mostly weeds, I didn’t need to get it done all that often.)

Finally, I found someone who would come to my house to fix it.  He charged me $120, but when he left, the dang thing still didn’t work.  He said that I only needed to replace the battery and it would be as good as new, but after dishing out $45 for a new battery, the thing still wouldn’t run!

I ended up doing it myself, in tandem with oodles of YouTube videos, and finally the thing has some life in it!

What’s the Point?

My point is, I still have that fault (read fear) of starting something that I don’t think I’ll be able to finish, unless I’m backed into a corner.  Then, and only then, will I attempt something that I have my doubts about.

I could easily go on and on with other examples, but I’m sure they would bore you to tears. Besides, if I did that, I’d never finish this article, and overcoming this fault in me is near the very top of my to-do list!